I love the "Too Tough For TV" section at inopinion.com. They rip the jokes from the headlines, and I rip them from their site to mine. A few of my recent favorites:
Cuba's Communist daily published new photographs Fidel Castro being visited by Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez. The two old friends spend the day warmly sentencing dissidents to life in prison.Posted by dan at August 23, 2006 1:07 PMAOL has laid off 5000 employees. The company was kind of cold about doing it—they had that guy go around to each person and say, “Goodbye!”
The U.N. says Israel used “disproportionate force” when it bombed a power plant in Gaza. I guess “proportionate force” would have been sending over a duffel bag full of TNT and nails strapped to a brainwashed teenager.
The makers of the Segway scooter have unveiled an updated version. This one is easier to dust while it just sits there in the showroom.
Andrea Yates told a psychiatrist that she killed her five children because she feared one would grow up to be a serial killer… and she didn't want them horning in on her racket.
Bill Clinton went to Connecticut to campaign for Senator Joe Lieberman…and because it's back-to-school time at UConn.
A Maryland man has been arrested for making a bomb that he planned to detonate at an abortion clinic. Good thing they caught him--because the last thing you want to happen at an abortion clinic is for someone to die. Oh, wait…
Paris Hilton went to the emergency room for a tetanus shot after being bit by her pet kinkajou. The kinkajou is undergoing an extensive series of penicillin treatments.
Soldiers from North Korea briefly opened fire on a South Korean guard post in the DMZ, but gave no explanation as to why…I mean, other than the fact that their president is a nutjob.